


Put Me On The Naughty List

by out_of_nowhere



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: M/M, Santa Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:48:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21850945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/out_of_nowhere/pseuds/out_of_nowhere
Summary: Rhett has been the Santa for the local shopping center for years. Link has been taking his children to see him for years. This Christmas Link decides he needs to sit in Santa's lap.It's an excuse to write Santa porn, y'all. That's all you need to know.
Relationships: Rhett McLaughlin/Link Neal
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	Put Me On The Naughty List

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you @criminalmind1927 for beta'ing this nonsense

Rhett loved getting to be Santa every year. It started years ago when the Santa at his kid's preschool had gotten sick and he had volunteered to help at the last minute. Now he played Santa at the local shopping center every weekend in December. This year he had let his beard grow out and he was looking forward to skipping the fake, and scratchy, one. 

As he was pulling on the bright red suit, Samantha, the event director, popped her head through the door. "How goes it, Santa? There's quite a few kids, and moms," her eyes twinkled in amusement, "ready to meet you." It was a yearly running joke about all the parents with a Santa kink dragging their kids to the mall just so they could get their fill of the man in the red suit. 

Rhett chuckled. "Not gonna lie, though. I wish I could let some of those parents sit in my lap."

Samantha rolled her eyes. "Just put on your boots and hat and get out there."

Ten minutes later Rhett did his Santa strut and called out "Ho, ho, ho!" as he made his way to the throne-like chair set up in the temporary Santa's Wonderland. He settled in and called the first child over. "What's your name, sweetie?"

☆☆☆

Link was trying to be patient as he waited for his youngest to get ready. He was glad at least that he only had one kid left who believed in Santa. The days of dragging three children to see Santa had been nerve wracking, to say the least. "If you don't hurry, Santa's gonna go back to the North Pole before we even get there!"

"I'm ready, I'm ready!" His son ran down the stairs, somehow making his 45 pound body sound like an entire herd of elephants. 

"Alright, bud. Let's get going before Santa leaves."

-

They definitely hadn't left the house early enough. The line wrapped around the side of the building and had an estimated wait time of an hour and a half. At least it was LA and the weather was only slightly cool and a light jacket more than sufficed. Link couldn't imagine waiting this long in a cold climate. 

As they finally rounded the corner of the building, Link took in the Santa. It was the same man as years past, but this year he had started to grow his beard out and Link was overcome with the desire to run his fingers through it. Not that Link had a Santa fetish. He just appreciated a good beard. 

Link was trying to keep his focus on his son, who was getting more and more excited the closer to the front of the line they moved. He "Mhm'd" and "that's good" where appropriate and tried to make a mental note of what his son said he was going to ask Santa for, but the closer they got the harder it was for Link to tear his eyes away from Santa. 

Even sitting down he could tell that Santa was quite tall, coming almost as high as one of "elves." Throw in the red suit bringing out the slight flush Santa's cheeks had developed and the aforementioned beard… Okay, so maybe Link did have a bit of a Santa thing going. Especially for this Santa. As the line moved, Link was fairly certain Santa kept making eye contact with him, steely gray eyes sending jolts of electricity through him.

☆☆☆

Rhett made it a point to never overtly flirt with the parents. Maybe a friendly Santa smile or a wink, but that was the extent of it. He wasn't really looking to fulfill another parent's secret bedroom fantasy. 

There was one father, though… Every year he brought his kids, although last year it had just been him and the youngest, and while nothing ever came of it, Rhett had to admit he always searched the crowd for those bright blue eyes. If the right conditions arose, Rhett wasn't sure he could say no to him.

Finally, as he was approaching the last hour before his break, Rhett spotted the man he had been keeping his eye out for. His dark hair had gone considerably grayer over the last year, but that just made him more alluring. Rhett tried to continue giving each child his undivided attention, but between visits he couldn't help glancing in the gorgeous man's direction. 

☆☆☆

When they were almost to the front of the line, Link saw one of his best friends, Stevie, running towards them. She and her girlfriend didn't have any kids, but being a big kid at heart, she liked to join Link in his yearly trip taking the kids to see Santa. 

"Hey, Aunt Stevie!" his son greeted her. She was out of breath from running across the parking lot and just gave them both a big smile.

"I wasn't sure you were going to make it." Link gave her a reprimanding look, but the smirk that followed told her it held no real weight. 

"Santa and then lunch with my favorite nephew? You know I'd never miss that!" she exclaimed, winking at her honorary nephew. She leaned over and whispered conspiratorially in his ear. "Or let you miss your opportunity with Santa." Link blushed and ignored her comment.

☆☆☆

Rhett had to focus when the attractive man's son took his turn. Fortunately, there were only two more families to visit with after him. Rhett couldn't help but notice, though, that hot guy and his kid only stepped to the side after their turn was up. He watched with interest as the woman who had joined them late left with the kid and hot guy was left standing alone right beyond Santa's Wonderland. 

Rhett tried not to be obvious as he rushed through the last kid and made his way over to the straggling father. "I know your son is on the nice list, but what about his daddy?"

☆☆☆

Link turned around, blinking in surprise. "Don't you make the list, Santa?"

Santa hummed and considered Link. "That's true, but I don't think I have enough information to properly place you on the right list."

Link gave Santa his signature crooked grin. "Are you done with the kids? Maybe I can make my case for what list I belong on."

Link watched smugly as Santa's eyes went momentarily wide and he swallowed. "I'm done for today. Follow me."

Link couldn't believe it. Unless he was greatly misreading the situation, his Santa fantasy was about to come true. He followed Santa inside and into a large storage room in the back. Following behind, Link saw he had been accurate in his assessment of Santa's height. He was easily a full head taller than he was, and he wasn't a small man.

Once Link shut the door behind him, Santa turned and stepped into his space, but not quite touching. "So, tell me, sir. Just which list do you think you belong on?"

"Well, Santa, sir. Most of the year I'd say I belong on the nice list, but I think you're about to have to put me on the naughty list."

Santa raised his eyebrows in amusement as Link closed the space between them, standing on his tiptoes to brush his lips against the tall man and his hands going to the belt on Santa's waist. Santa hummed in surprise but opened his mouth when Link licked against it, asking for entrance. When Link's hand moved inside his red suit and took hold of his quickly growing erection, he had to grab tightly to Link's waist to maintain balance. 

Link smiled into the kiss and stroked slowly, bringing Santa to full hardness. He couldn't resist moaning into the receptive Santa's mouth as he thought about how he was going to be the one to corrupt Santa, the image of childhood and innocence. The wrongness of it was getting his own dick hard.

Link flipped their places so Santa's back was against the wall and then dropped to his knees. "I've always wondered about the size of the package Santa has." Santa just chuckled but that turned to a slight hiss as Link pulled his dick out and it hit the cool air. 

"And?" Santa asked, as Link admired and softly stroked him.

"Not bad. I'm bigger, but not bad." Santa snorted and rolled his eyes. Link then reached his tongue out and swiped up the bead of pre come that had gathered on the end of Santa's cock. Santa inhaled sharply and sunk against the wall behind him. Link smirked and took the head in his mouth. 

Link suckled gently and ran his tongue the underside of Santa's dick before relaxing his throat and swallowing the entire length. Santa let out a soft  _ "shit" _ as his hips thrust forward, forcing his dick further down Link's throat. Link's hands pushed Santa's hips back and he pulled off. "Santa!" he spoke in admonishment. "You're gonna have to put  _ yourself _ on the naughty list if you keep saying things like that."

Santa looked down at him, his eyes glazed over in lust and slightly out of breath. "You keep doing that with your mouth and I'll gladly take my punishment."

Link let out a low chuckle before taking Santa back in his mouth. 

☆☆☆

Rhett let his hand grip the hair of the man down on his knees in front of him. He couldn't believe it. The father of one of the children, a child who not that long ago had sat in his lap asking for a list of new video games, was now on his knees giving him the hottest damn blowjob he had ever received. 

Rhett let his grip tighten in the man's hair as he pulled him off. Looking down at the vision before him, he had to swallow. Spit shined red lips and those blue orbs staring up at him with a reverent look made his dick twitch as he tried to make his mouth form words. "Can I fuck you?" he finally managed to ask. 

The man considered for a moment before nodding. "But only if you leave the suit on."

Rhett chuckled. "Naturally." He knew enough to recognize it for what it was. A dad getting his holiday rocks off. Although, to be fair, he was essentially doing the same thing. 

He noticed the man looking around before his eyes locked on the folding chair in the corner. "Think that'll hold us?" He turned to Rhett, his eyebrows raised in question. 

"Won't know unless we try." Rhett walked over, pulled the chair out, and took a seat. He patted his lap, cock still very much at attention and pulsing in anticipation. "Come're. Sit on Santa's lap and convince him of which list you deserve to be on."

☆☆☆

Link groaned in desire. He hadn't wanted to admit it before this year, but he definitely had a thing for Santa Claus. Especially  _ this _ Santa Claus. And now here he was, his favorite Santa sitting in a chair, cock out, and ready for Link to defile a childhood pastime. (This is closer to what I mean) 

Link shivered as he unzipped his pants and shimmied them down over his hips, causing Santa's tongue to dart out and lick his lower lip. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, he quickly pulled it off. Now naked, he strode toward Santa and straddled his lap, settling his arms around his neck, fingers twitching along the soft white trim of the jacket. 

Santa wrapped one arm around Link's waist and raised his other hand to Link's mouth. "I don't have any lube, since y'know this wasn't planned, so I'm gonna need you to get my fingers nice and wet, baby."

Link easily took the two fingers into his mouth and thoroughly licked and slobbered on them until his spit was threatening to dribble down his chin.

"Such a good boy," Santa murmured. "You said to put you on the naughty list, but it sure seems like you're aiming for the nice list." He removed his fingers from Link's mouth and reached behind him, skimming a finger the crevice of Link's ass and settled on the tight pucker, eyes closing when it twitched against his finger. "Ready?"

Link nodded and relaxed into the sensation as Santa's long and thick finger sank deep into him. Too quickly the finger was being pulled back and Link whimpered, but on the second inward thrust both of Santa's fingers were in his ass and the whine quickly turned to a sound of pure joy. "Yes, Santa. Please, more."

Link rocked his hips in time to Santa's fingers, letting his dick graze against Santa's with every rock. Hissing with desire, Link arched his back and pressed against the fingers in his ass. "Wanna ride you, Santa. Wanna ride that fat Santa dick."

Santa chuckled and withdrew his fingers from Link. "You better get Santa's dick wet again, naughty boy."

Link moaned and slid down to lube up Santa with as much spit as he could produce before shuffling back up and wrapping one leg around to the back of the chair so he could get the right angle to settle Santa's dick at the aperture of his ass. They both groaned in pleasure as Link started his way down.

Once he was finally settled in Santa's lap, they were both breathing hard and Santa leaned his head on Link's shoulder. Link couldn't suppress the shiver that ran down his spine as Santa's beard brushed against one of his nipples. Gripping tight to the fleece lining around Santa's neck, he began moving. 

☆☆☆

Rhett could hardly believe the vision in his lap. He missed the expressive blue eyes as the man in his lap held on tight and took what he wanted from him. Still, it was the hottest thing he had ever seen and he certainly didn't mind being used like this. 

Rhett reached down to grab the other man's dick, but his hand was slapped away. Blue eyes were once again leveled on him. "I'm gonna come just from your cock in my ass,  _ Santa _ ." 

Rhett wasn't sure how, but suddenly he was even harder and rapidly approaching climax. "Here, lemme help you out." His voice was gruff and breathy as he grabbed ahold of the slight waist and began thrusting up as hard as he could. 

A litany of moans and half words assaulted Rhett's ears before the pressure around his dick got even tighter and the man in his lap was coming all over his Santa suit. The wrongness of seeing come hitting the red and the rightness of the tight heat all around him had his own release following after just a few more thrusts.

They both rode out their orgasms and Rhett pulled Link closer so their chests were pressed together. "You got come all over my suit babe," he said, nuzzling into Link's neck and pressing kisses along his jaw.

Link giggled and smirked. "What a shame. Guess you'll need to bring the suit home. You know, so we can get it dry cleaned." 

Rhett let out a hearty laugh. "Yeah, that's why."

Link began disentangling himself from Rhett's lap and began getting dressed. "Well, I guess I better go pick up our son from his Aunt Stevie."

Rhett stood up and gave Link one last kiss. "See you at home, baby. I love you."

Link gave a him a crooked smile and said, "I love you too, Santa," before sending him a playful wink and gliding out of the storage room. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Rhett and Link are in an established relationship here. No wives, kids are their own. I didn't use names because I don't feel comfortable writing about their actual minor children. Just wanted to clarify.


End file.
